____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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