I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
