Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
