i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
