I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
