i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
