Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
