i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
