so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
