no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
