I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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