she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
A+ Viking dick
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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