Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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