I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
