Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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