the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
