No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
