Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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