Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
