Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
