im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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