So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
