Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
