the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
