I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
