i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
