i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
