im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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