My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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