is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
