I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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