If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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