There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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