Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
