I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
