I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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