I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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