Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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