Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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