I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i've created a new STD.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
