Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
