you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
