i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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