I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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