never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
