so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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