If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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