Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
