I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
