Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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