Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the day after is always just damage control
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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