Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
